I wrote this in February, 2010 and stumbled upon it tonight.
It's almost hard to believe I lived the life I see in the photos chronologically archived in my iPhoto.
Trespassing, scuba diving in the pool, riding a shaky elevator up and back down an antenna taller than my imagination, taking pictures and videos of 'my boys' luging down a barely created road, climbing real rock for the first time, shivering next to the Suby while I counted the number of steps, seconds, it should take. Hiking to what seemed like nowhere, and back.
Laying in the living room, on the skating ramp, in the office on the couch.
Talking about girls, about Mark, about love, about honesty.
But never never never a picture, a memory, a word
I couldn't, won't, can't, stand to lose another person like that.
I'm tasting nothing but four words
Please don't leave me.
I'm scared EVERY TIME. This nonchalance is my greatest facade.
The odds - they are in my favor [and no, that wasn't a Hunger Games reference]. But I am a worst-case-scenario kind of girl.
Tattoo ideas in the works. Day of the Dead skulls, trees and storybooks. Lilies, everywhere. And butterflies - always butterflies, which are rampant right now.
It always makes me feel better to say this, so - I've still got a lot to learn. This life, it is heartbreaking. More importantly it is crazy and wonderful - that's how he would want me to remember our time together. Goal: Make More Memories.
1. If you habitually spill/splatter butter or oil on your nice, BRAND NEW shirts and can't seem to get those stains to disappear? Dish Soap. I do not lie. It even worked on a nice, BRAND NEW shirt, that I wore to Tosh, and then splattered butter all over while eating delicious mussels afterwards. [ McCormick & Schmicks I love you. And your blueberry mojitos. AND the mussels, duh.]
Oh, and I washed it before trying to treat it, which is a big NO NO apparently. A few dabs of dish soap, about 2 minutes [I'm impatient] and a little water, and *poof*. All appearances that you are a total klutz/slob have disappeared.
Maybe you already know this. If so, yay for you! If not, You're Welcome. :D
2. Note - This has absolutely nothing to do with the above.
If your stomach is really upset, and you decide it would be a good idea to take some pepto-bismol, even when you can't keep any liquid or food down, your tongue can, wait for it,
And nothing will freak you out more then waking up with sore abs from puking [TMI? sorry. kind of.] and going to brush your teeth and realizing your tongue suddenly has a mysterious black coating on it. To be fair, the box warns you of this [among other things], which prevented me from immediately calling my Dr. and, instead, immediately calling my Mom.
She probably told me to take some Vitamin C.
So, the lessons of the past week are - be messy, and avoid pepto-bismol because that is just WEIRD.